


The Terrible Thing About Tiggers

by AdaptationDecay



Category: Winnie-the-Pooh - A. A. Milne
Genre: Be Careful What You Wish For, Crack, Gen, Horror, Vore
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-16
Updated: 2013-09-16
Packaged: 2017-12-26 18:32:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 1,269
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/968915
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AdaptationDecay/pseuds/AdaptationDecay
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Christopher Robin wishes that Tigger was a real tiger. It goes about as well as you'd expect.</p><p>(Written for a joke prompt thrown out when they were testing the Yuletide matching code. Prompt was "Winnie The Pooh. Any Character. Something grimdark and full of terror!")</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. In which Christopher Robin's gun proves deficient

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Nary](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nary/gifts).



One day Christopher Robin was bored and he wished that Tigger were a real tiger.

This was a mistake.

Tigger, who was suddenly eleven feet long with razor sharp teeth and claws felt like he was seeing Christopher Robin for the first time. Specifically he was seeing him not as a friend and protector (like he used to) or as a kid with an unfortunate haircut (like most other people did) but as prey and a potential source of dinner.

"Tigger," said Christopher Robin, "you look AAAAAIGHOAAAOOOOWWWgurgle."

This last was in response to 600lbs of bestial fury landing on him and proceeding to disembowel him.

Christopher Robin had always carried a gun, but the long barrel and low-impact ammunition of his cork gun meant the weapon was completely inadequate for defending himself from a full grown Bengal tiger.

Tigger purred contentedly and settled down to eat Christopher Robin's intestines.


	2. In which Pooh and Piglet WISH they were only being stalked by a heffalump!

"Oh bother," said Pooh.

Pooh was quite gifted when it came to understatement. On this particular occasion, when he said "Oh bother" what he actually meant was "Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck, we're all going to die!!!!!111eleventy" This was because he and Piglet had been walking along one of the darker paths through the Hundred Acre Wood and had happened upon Christopher Robin - or at least what was left of him.

"Pooh," said Piglet. "I'm frightened."

"Yes, Piglet," said Pooh.

"Was it a Heffalump?"

Pooh examined the remains of what had - that morning - been his friend Christopher Robin.

"No Piglet. This looks like the work of a Bengal Tiger."

"Oh."

The two of them drew a little closer together.

"Pooh?"

"Yes, Piglet?"

"Shall we try to run?"

"No Piglet."

"Why not?"

"Because we're being hunted, Piglet. If we ran down the path, we could run into the tiger."

"Oh dear, oh dear," said Piglet, who was also a dab hand at understatement.

Pooh's eyes widened.

"Piglet, I have good news."

"What is it, Pooh?"

"We can run down the path without worrying about running into the tiger."

"Why's that, Pooh?"

"Because," said Pooh, pointing up at a large shadow on a branch above them, "he's right here."


	3. In which Tigger knocks the stuffing out of Pooh

Winnie The Pooh was a bear of very little brain, which was just as well since his brains were currently littering a pathway through the Hundred Acre Wood. Piglet - never known for his courage - had not turned back to see what happened after the tiger leaped down from the tree and pinned Pooh to the ground with his claws. Piglet had instead run as fast as his little legs would carry him in the direction of Rabbit's house. Unfortunately, despite keeping his gaze firmly ahead on the chance of safety, he'd not been able to avoid hearing the ripping sound of the tiger's claws tearing into his friend, nor the sort of wheezing scream that Pooh let out before succumbing.

Piglet stumbled blindly down the track, tears stinging his eyes, numb with horror, just wanting to put as much distance as possible between himself and that dreadful monster.

And that's when he heard the rapid, heavy tread of soft paws running down the track behind him...


	4. In which some of Tigger's personality traits are still in evidence

The tiger was angry.

The boy had been tasty, but not enough for a full meal, then the bear - despite smelling enticingly of honey - had turned out to be stuffed with fluff and thoroughly inedible. He had therefore turned to chase down further prey - a pink fast-moving creature who had now vanished inside a hollow log that the tiger could not fit inside.

The tiger reached inside with a paw, scoring deep grooves in the log, but without catching anything to eat. Bellowing with rage, he picked up the entire log in his powerful jaws and swung it around, intending to smash it apart against the trunk of a nearby tree, when he heard voices in the distance.

"Eeyore, could you babysit Roo for me? I simply must get over to see Rabbit this morning. I promised to help him in his vegetable patch today!"

Instantly distracted, the tiger bounded towards the sound of the voices and the log went flying unseen into the river.


	5. In which Piglet deals with survivor guilt

Piglet was soaked through and terrified out of his wits when he eventually arrived at Rabbit's house and knocked timidly on the door.

"Who's there?"

"It's me, Piglet. Please let me in. There's a terrible tiger."

"Well come inside then and wipe your feet."

Piglet entered, only to find that Rabbit's small home was quite crowded; Rabbit, Kanga, Roo and Owl were all huddled together inside. Piglet wiped his feet on the mat as instructed and was horrified to see that he must have stepped in the remains of Christopher Robin as he was fleeing, for a smear of dark red blood now lay accusingly on Rabbit's doormat.

Piglet snapped.

"Oh help. Oh no. I did something terrible. Pooh and I were in the woods and there was a tiger and it landed on Pooh and I should have stayed to help, but I didn't. I ran away and all the time I was running, I was hoping that the tiger wouldn't chase me, but that meant I was hoping he would stay there and _keep eating Pooh!_ And then he came after me anyway and I hid in a log, but he slashed at me with his claws, then picked me up in his horrible jaws and nearly dashed my brains out against a tree, but in the end he only threw me into the river, where I almost drowned, but I managed to get to shore and come here and whatever will we doooooo?" Piglet asked in a single rushed sob.

Kanga stepped forward and wiped Piglet's eyes. 

"Roo is only here right now because of Eeyore. If he hadn't walked right into the tiger's mouth saying 'I expected as much' then Owl would never have had a chance to scoop up Roo in his talons and fly him to safety. Pooh was your friend. He would have wanted to save you if he could."

Rabbit folded his arms.

"It seems to me like the only thing to do is to wait here for Christopher Robin. He has a gun you know!"

"Oh," said Piglet. "About that..."


	6. In which help comes from an unexpected quarter

Rabbit's house had not been built to keep out heffalumps or woozles and certainly not tigers.

The remaining inhabitants of the Hundred Acre Wood had fled throughout the house shortly after it became clear that the structural integrity of the front door was not going to last. Rabbit was hiding in a cupboard, Owl behind the lampshade, Kanga under the kitchen table and Roo in the sink. Piglet had not managed to find a hiding place at all, which is why, when the tiger burst through the door, Piglet was the only one to see what happened next.

Something dropped from the roof of Rabbit's cottage straight onto the tigers back. No, not something, _someone_. Specifically, a not-so tubby cubby formerly stuffed with fluff, but now looking emaciated and clutching a makeshift weapon that - upon closer inspection - was a severed femur that had previously belonged to Christopher Robin.

"TAKE THAT MOTHERBOTHERER!" Screamed the bloodstained apparition, before plunging the jagged femur between the tiger's shoulderblades.

"Pooh?" 

"It's me, Piglet," said Pooh. "It's over now. It's all over."

At that moment, the dead tiger reared its head up and snapped his terrible jaws, collapsed to the ground again, reared up, collapsed and reared up again before collapsing one final time.

"Oh Pooh! Is it still alive?"

"No Piglet," said Pooh, "but even when they're dead, bouncing is what Tiggers do best."

 

**The END**

**Author's Note:**

> 


End file.
